i nvr update the past few week... cause thing juz happen very suddenly... juz broke up wif aida and went on wif ailena... all tis shouldn't happen... haiz... i wanted to reject ailena but to confirm wif myself... i tell her to wait for 1 week... so she agree... but for aida... i also ask her to give mi 1 week... she say she will only give mi 3 days... so i think... 3 days better den dun haf... as i haf headache of all tis... aida keep asking mi for answer... i gt so piss off and i break up wif her... haiz... i dun noe tis is right or wrong... i really dun noe... there are a lot of ppl keep asking mi why i break up wif aida... haiz... i dun lyk ppl to force mi to say the thing tt i dun wish to say... i get piss easily... but for wad i noe nw is.. im happy to be wif ailena... she crack a lot of jokes to make mi laugh... although she keep asking mi question... but i guess i shall juz answer lor... haiz... the sad thing is she told mi abt her... i dun noe wad to do.. but to tk extra good care of her... my cousin is in the same class as ailena's sis... haha... my cousin lyk her but he scare tt she dun lyk him... today my cousin go school wif us... haha... i gt so stress wif a lot of things... yesterday i cried while i draw my art yesterday... i lost a lot of friends liao... juz by rejecting a girl... haiz... nw in class i try nt to sleep le... nw in class also no one wan to talk to mi le... haiz... but at least still haf ailena talking to mi... she told mi a lot of things... haha... haiz... today late go home cause of training... after gb finish their training... ailena waited for mi... den mr chong ask mi to go chin up bar... den... i go... after tt we dismiss le... saw ailena playing captain ball... so i told her i haven finish... cause i wan her to haf fun... after tt... we walk to plaza den go home... today is our 6th day... i very scare tt she will break up wif mi again... haiz... i gonna to stop le... i nid to go do art le... STRESS!!!

i gonna be quick... cause i cant tahan my headache again... i gt headache the whole day... im scare... i scare i juz lyk my father's friend son... he gt a sudden headache... was sent to hospital and doctor found out tt gt something in his head... so he went for a operation... was success... but after few hours... he pass away... tt time he was only primary 6... and i was only primary 4... haiz... i really scare... how... haiz.. for those who care for mi today... thank you very much...

haiz... unfair... argh... my father totally bias against mi sia... primary school i wan join basketball... he dun allow... he wan mi to join scout... den secondary school i wan join basketball... he force mi to join NCC... argh... nw my father ask my brother to join basketball so tt he will grow taller den mi... WTH... argh... den i say he die die secondary school muz join NCC... my father say no... haiz... i totally haf no freedom of wad im gg to do in the future... tt why i dun even think of planning my future... everybody ask mi.. which poly i will go if i pass my 'O' lvl... i dun noe... wad course to choose... i also dun noe.. cause wadever i choose... my father will nt happy wif it... haiz... my future is nt in my hands... is in my father hands... haiz... argh... i hate tis home... i hate my parents... i hate my life... sob sob...

haiz... totally unhappy abt wad had happen for the past few days... haiz... a lot of ppl haf problems... zc told mi his problem... i try to help him... ppl tell mi problem.. i try to help as far as i could.. but i keep thinking... who will help mi.. haiz... i noe i use hurtful word to gf... but i also dun wan to get scold as siao all the time wad... juz think la... if ppl keep scolding u siao... will u feel happy, sad or angry... was bored at school juz nw at 6... wanted to call gf to school as i saw a lot of express student (2006) came in... but i think... she cant go out at night... so nvr call her... juz nw chat wif her... den she say... why nvr ask mi go out... so i say... u can meh... haiz... den i ask her out at 9++... her answer.. siao... i noe i was in the wrong to call her out at 9++ but all i wan is to seee her only ma... cant meh... den i explain why i nvr call her out at 6... den she hang up my call... haiz... i noe is hurtful... but think... u use hurtful word lyk siao.... the person wont feel sad or angry meh... everyone haf feelings... sad, happy, angry, disppointed, jealous, hurtful and etc rite? i also a human which haf feeling... in school... saw zc and cl together... think back abt last year... i really envy them sia... they dun noe each other and yet they treat one another so well... haiz... carmen and a guy... although they cant stead... they still very close... haiz... why cant my relationship is as happy as them... haiz...
To: ZC, CL, Carmen and tt guy... im sry to ps u all juz nw... i juz cant stand it... i noe... i felt jealous... i get jealous very easily... cause i envy u all... haiz...
To: GF... i really sry to say harsh word at u... u also dun wan ppl to scold u siao all the time right... haiz...

haiz haiz haiz... i wan brain-wash... wash everything in my mind... wash all the unhappiness and happiness away... i juz wan to be lyk a new born baby... haiz... things are bothering mi for few week... dun wish to say it out... cause i dun noe there is anyone wanna to hear mi out... haiz... very stress nw... wif my stupid art for 'O' lvl.. i dun noe whether i can cope or nt... haiz... research is all i nid to do well.. cause painting i think i can cope... haiz... i dun noe how to face her nw.. things are happen juz too quickly... haiz... gf... im sry for wad i haf done.. really sry.. haiz... gt to start wif my art research nw... haiz...

haiz... tis has bother mi for weeks... shall i blog my wish list for tis year... haiz.. i guess i shall blog it... cause it will nt came true anyway... i dun noe how many wish i haf... some i may forget liao...

hope gf will change back to herself some day...
buy a hp for gf...
had a cable car ride wif gf in the day/night... (nt possible)
go countdown wif gf on new year/or other event... (nt possible)
pass 'O' lvl wif gd grade... (nt possible)
watch sunset and sunrise alone or wif gf some day... (nt possible)
peace at home... (nt possible)
dun sleep in class...
no record in school...
go for CLT course... (nt possible)
EVERLASTING RELATIONSHIP WIF GF...
get a Part Time job after 'O' lvl wif a great pay...
save up to $3000 at the end of tis year to spend it wif my cousin/friends/gf...
watch movie every month alone or wif gf... (nt possible)
over-night without any scolding... (nt possible)
ppl call mi out to haf fun...
haf my sis will pass 'N' lvl wif 10 points or less...
ppl dun look down on mi... (nt possible)
no STRESS!!! (nt possible)
get wad i wan... (nt possible)
happiness... (nt possible)

i might think tt im stupid to wish thing which are nt possible... haiz... yes.. u are right... im stupid... i dun dare to aim high... cause whenever i aim high... the feeling for failing will be damn great... i noe... i dun dare to do tis... dun dare to do tt... wad for i call myself a Dare Devil... maybe i should juz change to Coward Darius... haiz...

haiz... wad does a new year means??? tis is wad i think... a new year... all changes... my family haf change... class haf change... friend haf change... haiz... parent putting stress on mi... class... is damn bored... no one to talk to... friend... all lyk stranger... haiz... gf also change liao... she nt herself... today mit her... thought tt she haf change back to herslelf and i very happy... but i was wrong... she haven change back to herself... haiz.. i guess she will nvr be back anymore... i noe she haf a great blow of her 'N' lvl result... haiz... shall nt say anymore... haiz... why cant i get wad ppl haf... wad muz i suffer.... a new year... i juz feel lyk i haf change from EARTH to HTRAE... outer space planet i guess... haiz... totally diff from last year... haiz... i wan to go back last year... frankly... i didnt sleep well after the stupid new year... haiz...

i haf to make tis quick... cause i dun feel well nw... today... at school quite ok... haf fun in class... but still bored... haiz... after school... go book shop tk book and when home and get bath... den went out to meet gf to go bugis... walk walk tilll 6.30... took bus back bp... sent her home... make her cry again... darling.. actually nt ur fault la.. im in the wrong.. really... i dun wan to tell u wad im thinking is i dun wan to to be sad... after she went home... walk down the stairs... saw two girls selling ice cream... went i reach lvl 1... i think of buying ice cream... climb up the stair and brought 2 cone and get one free.. they dun haf change... or i buy 4 and get 2 free... spend $7.20... eat 2 cone and saw my cadet gg home... give one to him.... and the rest i eat... den i thought of smoking.... call jinyi ask him if he haf it nw or nt... but he dun haf... den on the way to plaza... i vomited two times... went to plaza mac... brought 2 ice cream cone... spend $1... den went down to buy sushi... spend $5.40 as haf 50% off... total of 19 pieces... i guess the auntie will be very happy... she even remember mi... she ask mi... why buy so much... haiz... den on the way home... saw a man drop a few boxes of stuff... when to help as one old auntie was trying to help.. but the boxes was damn heavy... it weight abt 20kg per box... althought im nt strong... but i juz keep trying... and was done... arm was injured... when to senja shop... buy root beer and coke.. drink them in 5 mins... after tt... vomited again... a total of 4 vomited in a day.... reach home... bath wif freezing water and nvr dry myself totally and i fan myself... i dun noe wad happen to mi... i guess im sick in the brain... tis feeling today i haf is much more worse den i break up wif WT... i guess i go eat my sushi and sleep... i dun wan to lose her... but i juz felt tt... she haf totoally change after tking the 'N' lvl result... haiz... stop here den..